its been awhile

well its been awhile since I have had anything to share…

as it happeneds life just keeps passing us by. I have been stuck in a funk for almost 24 months. It is now time to take charge of my life and control how I choose to live it from now on .

So another year goes by and I find myself at the very last year of my thirties. oh ah the big 40 next year yay .I remember when I turned 29, I felt like it was the beginning of the end. I cried and I was in denial of the ever encroaching “end of youth” I recall it like it was yesterday and the devastation that  I felt.

Here I am 39, feeling fabulously fine, just as great as turning nineteen. Self awareness, confidence and freedom…

This time I am TRULY free to please my self and do what I want. This was an all new and scary concept. This change,  is one that most women will not be going through for a few more years if ever. I am talking in terms of responsibility , relationships and total rebirth of a women. No longer a mummy, no longer a wife. No longer needed , no longer half of a pair. Mmmm so what do I do? I have to look after me. There is nowhere to run or hide.  I had to face me. I cant get side tracked, I cant be to busy.I have to deal with freedom ….  and myself.

I know freedom…. it sounds very alluring when you have a family to run. You seem to look forward to the day when you will be free….Free to do what though? My children are now 23, 21 and nineteen, they are following their dreams and are all so independent. I guess I mothered them well and prepared them for the world. My love life has been a saga in its self up to this point. I have loved and lost. I have been single, straight, gay and I guess Bi. I was almost married, but nothing seemed to be more important than my children and so I thought freedom. I never expected the day to come when I would be on my own…..

 

Fresh food People….

Apparently the Woolworths brand have no shame in cashing in on every life event that can possibly happen to a person…

” that’s why I pick woollies”

I am over them feeding bullshit.. Husbands and children are not even safe. Personally I have a foxtel subscription and I thought that the point of paying for television omitted advertisement’s of this calibre. Granted they don’t directly market products just the slogan .. Is this ok?

They seem to be able to cater for every occasion. So I wonder how is their fresh food? is that still a thing that they spent millions of dollars on marketing the brand . even going as far as an apple in the logo…..

I am just tired of the marketing ploys these companies will stoop too.

Coles .. Sorry but why pay an overweight has been Casey Donovan to be the voice of your new campaign? It is just not validated. Most people will not recognise her. AT LEAST SHE IS AUSSIE you got that part right props. Is it sending a healthy message? oh who cares about health right? it is all about the bottom dollar. Classy

 

Leethal Lee…

Colour run

I am a pallet of watercolor

my surface is stroked with your dry bristles.

The blames is on me for the non transfer of paint.

but really it is you . You thought you could use me quickly, without a trace. But I don’t spread that easily.

it takes a smoother moister bush to work with me .

When the bristles stroke enough it turns me from hard as concrete thin as water , smooth as silk.

sheets of canvas lay all round, waiting for this masterpiece to take form. Loving me isn’t the norm

technique is in the slight of touch like feathering or blending . Rubbing out the lines. Everything is blurry..

This is the work of a lifetime .

❤️Lee

God the answer

Knowledge is not as available as it seems. Government controls our learning, how we live our lives in a “free” society . I don’t know that is it? I don’t think we are truly free . I feel constantly restrained .

you can’t say this you can’t say that  you can’t do this you must do that. To be successful or good or what ever is expected of you .

who said ?

Who makes social conscious , who chooses the way in you must exist.

God !!

god,  is used to cover the questions that are hard to answer, or people simply can’t answer due to their own intellectual progression. If your parents tell you something and you don’t bother investigating. You probably just went ok . And so we have a chain of children believing in God , but are not to believe in their own thoughts. Told not to have an imagination. Don’t worry these things happened up until the 70s .

Children were “adopted” to farm owner that were old and needed help working the farms , these children became slaves, not in the tradition sense but none the less treated second class. And so god, being the all good and mighty. is used to frighten children as a form of punishment .

A little privacy would be nice .. If God is a person.. I actually don’t know but I can say that we didn’t get to were we are because if God it is because of science so how about telling your children the truth, if you don’t know the truth find the answer don’t make it up , challenge your self and your child’s future to become information hungry not thirsty for attention.

❤️Lee

Sounds of home

The audio reminder that plagues me of regret and comfortable life I had once upon a time .. The story is filled stupidity and has faded tremendously . But what’s left really gets at me …

The sound of the piano keys and the violin. Makes me remember the family I once lived in , the five of us living a life of richness and fine dinning experiences , pretty much eating my way through every thing.

the song play as my tummy feels weird remembering all the things that we did.as the song plays my subconscious takes over . The feeling of cold taking over .

The smell coming from our kitchen feast , sitting in the lounge with just you me and the kids. Watching went worth and feeling the grace of living a life this way .

But when I think back the thing I most miss is the feeling of comfort and of course a kiss .

She was a girl looking to find the love , the love of a life time.

Silly girl fell for me , I tryed hard to set her free.. But insead I let the man go that would have loved me forever so …. I lost out and lost both .

I thought I was done with him, but seems more like I was playing a game.. But I didn’t realize I was the win playing the fool.

My tummy hurts in thinking of these cold memories.time to find a new love and this time appreciate all that he does and don’t  use him like a tool.

she will find true happiness if she just waits ..

For Toya and Andrew

❤️Lee

 

Neverest

At first I thought I would never climb out!

Summiting,  is only for the inexperienced survivor.Only when facing decent, is a true judge of skill and courage.

Landing poorly can cause damage. Land with your feel firmly on the ground, and respecting the climb as you claw your way back out.

If only at this point you reach for the next shelf.

As you set out for the next stage of your climb. Stop…  take a look down see how far you have come, how much you have learnt. You in a better position for pole leader at your own pace.

Remember you were the only one there to pull your self back up , let no one take credit for such tough luck.

But this is not comptetion , this is the home run.

Keep on your gear incase of a fall. You don’t need the same experience as you did from unguided tour .

Summit is like a rainbow ;the father your travel to reach it , the further way it goes.

Dont chase your tail or dreams of others. Your the machine that lights your own Tunnel and fought your way forward. Don’t need no cowards “holding” my hand, stoping my fall.

lime light you want ? This isn’t the climb , maybe go indoor and climb a climbing wall.

inspired by a gentleman from the POF website. Thank you random stranger .

❤️Lee

Parenting #38

This is a first blog of this nature .if I can manage to gain some interest in a topic I will delight you with an awesome stack of recipes that you can whip your parenting style into shape.

we all just think is too hard. Let’s be honest…. No honest .. most of us mortal beings are not equipt to multitask life. With demands higher than ever to be everything . The perfect mother, perfect chef quality food. (That we mums love to do to show we love them) wife/girlfriend/partner . Boss/employee , best car best house best best best best best!! It is very very exhausting . Once , it was only when we compared our selves with celebrities that the creeping feeling of inadequacy was lurking. But today it is EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE. Social media is killing us off.

So what I want to offer is my recipe to living life . Making this especially interesting and  palatable is too remind you that I am 38 years old with my eldest child being 22 yes that’s right and successful as are the 21 and 19 years  old.

General summary. 38 years old now. Three ADULT children ; first born 22 year old daughter

second born 21 year old son

and Baby, 19 also daughter.

I can guide you through the reality of raising children in a diverse living arrangements and parenting partnerships. Here are some to taste : paternal, single, bad, married, gay and fostering children.

The ground work must start somewhere and it’s never to late to re built on solid foundations.I have been focused and with results.  I am a proud young mother that has changed the cycle . I now have individuals that had a choice how they wanted their lives to be .

Then the faze that comes when your children are no longer chicks and have flown on into the world, with their own ambitions and self determination.

It is about giving them the tools but if you give your children tools you your self can not use or have no idea on , how can you help them construct the foundation they and you have been setting up for.

Want more ? Please like and follow me so I know if it is interesting . Thank you for stopping in

❤️Lee

Lovelee honey Aus style

Sitting in the kitchen of my grandparents place I looked out the glass door and seen the biggest of bees .

I keep coming back to watch them. still inside I sit down at the door .

i watch them and they see me , coming to the glass they vibrate their wings very loudly .

I  observed them keeping watch . The way they move , is like a hovercraft . The type I am referring to is “ufo” .(I call it just futuristic reasons will become apparent when I share that theory .) So the way they “Hover” and then shoot or dart off in an upward diagonal motion . It is like it is trying to distract you by using sound and senses to throw you off their sudden exit.

So these bees I am referring to particularly are I think . “Native bees” they are large in body and have distinctive big black strip and a thinner one .

It is just some random stuff I think about . Any thoughts ?

Ponder

❤️Lee

Flies that lie

ever notice fly behaviour?

well I consiser it a competive sport; believe me you would too in a tin can…(caravan) but this not like a regular caravan it’s a cool caravan .

so summer heat and it incessant humidity. Part of the see Australia campaign . Well they think they have the right to travel . Free of charge mind you in my van !!!

No bloody way mate . Find your own wheels . Back to the story that I started . Now become an expert in squash( haha I and listening to my competition taking out a few)

so anyway, I have black and white  checked laminate on the floor. Black and white, how convenient . It is almost like a chess board of flies, so I notice that the black areas are where you hunt them down. Smart little effers aren’t they.

So they also hide on thin cords and will also use the dead fly as camouflage. Yes !!

So support your local Asian stall for a good old Aussie fly squatter (haha). Just that this is like a complete different topic but I will remind my self by writing this )

grab a couple and swat a fly together as a family . Forget the toxic fly spray and entertain your inner child or a child what ever 🙂

( it is addictive) I am sorry if fly swatting hurts the feelings of a “save the fly” org sorry again but it is apart of Australiana and next time you go to your local bbq bring a few squatters.

Walking with confidence head high and say .” I am here to fuck things up ” peace

ponder

❤️Lee