its been awhile

well its been awhile since I have had anything to share…

as it happeneds life just keeps passing us by. I have been stuck in a funk for almost 24 months. It is now time to take charge of my life and control how I choose to live it from now on .

So another year goes by and I find myself at the very last year of my thirties. oh ah the big 40 next year yay .I remember when I turned 29, I felt like it was the beginning of the end. I cried and I was in denial of the ever encroaching “end of youth” I recall it like it was yesterday and the devastation that  I felt.

Here I am 39, feeling fabulously fine, just as great as turning nineteen. Self awareness, confidence and freedom…

This time I am TRULY free to please my self and do what I want. This was an all new and scary concept. This change,  is one that most women will not be going through for a few more years if ever. I am talking in terms of responsibility , relationships and total rebirth of a women. No longer a mummy, no longer a wife. No longer needed , no longer half of a pair. Mmmm so what do I do? I have to look after me. There is nowhere to run or hide.  I had to face me. I cant get side tracked, I cant be to busy.I have to deal with freedom ….  and myself.

I know freedom…. it sounds very alluring when you have a family to run. You seem to look forward to the day when you will be free….Free to do what though? My children are now 23, 21 and nineteen, they are following their dreams and are all so independent. I guess I mothered them well and prepared them for the world. My love life has been a saga in its self up to this point. I have loved and lost. I have been single, straight, gay and I guess Bi. I was almost married, but nothing seemed to be more important than my children and so I thought freedom. I never expected the day to come when I would be on my own…..

 

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